Just Surrender

work-life-balance

Ever since I had my son back in January, I put my PR and marketing career on hold to focus entirely on our growing family. Being a SAHM is the most incredible experience, but it’s also the hardest job on the planet. Harder than what I expected. Harder than what people told me. Harder than I think I could’ve even prepared for.

I felt like I was still trying to figure it all out 99% of the time for the first six months straight. Now granted, yes, I know it’s pretty standard to feel lost the first few months (you just had a tiny human take over your life, after all) but in my case, it lasted longer than just a few months. But then once he started to develop his little personality and we got into a groove as a family of three, everything seemed to feel like our new normal — and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

Yesterday I grabbed coffee with a friend who has a successful PR and marketing career and is considering motherhood. She wanted to pick my brain about life as a new mom, wondering when the “time is right” to have kids. My answer? There is no “right time” to have kids — you just, surrender. I don’t mean surrender as in give up or give in. I mean surrender as in surrender yourself to motherhood and family. Have a baby. There’s no better time than the present.

But let me be very clear on what I meant by that. I did NOT mean that she shouldn’t have her career too.

There’s a lot of pressure when you’re pregnant to answer the question: Will you keep working after you have the baby? As if that question results in a clear yes or no answer. It’s just not that simple — at least for me.

The plan all along was for me to take six months off to be at home and then we’d “reevaluate” things to see if I wanted to go back to work. In thinking about things over the course of those six months, I was certain that I wouldn’t go back. I wanted to be home with our son. I didn’t want to miss any moment or any meal. I didn’t want to miss any first or any fun event. I didn’t want to say goodbye or see you later. But when it was time to actually sit and have that conversation, my feelings had changed — and while difficult to admit at the time and even now, I’m thankful I was honest with myself and my family.

I needed something more.

Over the past two months, I have worked hard to find the balance (my balance) between being a SAHM and a careerwoman. I am still a full-time SAHM and I have learned to cut myself some slack if I hire a sitter, leave him with his daddy for a little while or lean on family. I am taking on freelance projects that I am passionate about. Projects that I can choose to do or decline to take on. I am exploring this new chapter of my life and feeling proud of the balance I’m achieving. I’m not missing anything — I’m not missing his firsts or his fun. I’m not missing any moments.

Once again, I’ve surrendered. Yet this time in a different way.

I’m recognizing what I need as a woman, wife and mom. I’m being honest and open about my needs and desires and figuring out the balance to make it happen. And I’ve learned that I am a better mother to my son when I achieve this balance. I don’t have the secrets and I don’t claim to have it all figured out. But for now, life feels balanced. And it feels really, really good.

The truth is, all mothers need to cut themselves some slack. Motherhood is hard work, y’all. And whether you choose to be at home full-time, work part-time or work full-time, or some combination of your own — cut yourself some slack. Give yourself the balance you deserve, the balance you want and need. Be honest and most of all, surrender to yourself.

PS – This was just too funny not to include. Have a good day, mama. You’ve got this.

amypoehler-quotes

  • Tabitha Shakespeare

    This is my life right now! Still learning how to surrender and keep it all together!

  • Thanks for the encouragement and fresh perspective. It’s so nice to see you doing what you love and being a fabulous mom.

    Cheers, J

  • Bridget

    I loved reading your perspective! As I do not have kids of my own, I am surrounded by several SAHMs and you guys rock and make everything look so easy! Hang in there, momma!

    • Thanks Bridget! Life can be hard to juggle, with or without kids! Finding the right balance for you is key. :)

  • I can relate to this so much! So happy you are finding your balance! It truly makes everyone happier when mom is feeling fulfilled!

  • Aw! Great post!! I don’t have kids yet, but I work with a lot of new moms and hear the same from many of them. I hope to be able to follow in your footsteps and keep my business going while being a mom, but I know it won’t be easy. Appreciate you tips and will be back for more :)

    • Thanks Catherine! Whether you have kids or not, finding the balance in a busy life is key.

  • This is a wonderful piece. Completely honest and open. I don’t have kids but I can related to trying to find the balance in my life. I think you’re doing a stellar job!

    • It’s so hard to find the balance — we all struggle with it, kids or not! Thanks girl.

  • Naomi Trevino

    Love this honest post. I give kudos to any momma out there either stay at home or working.

  • Bonnie

    Mmm! Good to here! I’m not a mom yet, but this is encouraging!

    • Can definitely apply to non-moms too. Finding the balance is key to our happiness, babies or not!

  • Great reflection. I’m not a stay at home mom, or any other kind, but I also struggle with not being able to cut myself slack when I should. Good to hear another’s perspective.